Ganaа teacher

I once wrote a book called How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours. It went like this: To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the next sentence. To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the previous sentence.” It didn’t sell very well. I thought with the short attention span of people these days it may have been too long, so I rewrote it. The 2nd edition went: “To keep an idiot busy for hours, re-read this sentence.” It’s doing pretty good. I have a deal for the sequel. The 3rd edition is going to go: “Re-read this line.” Trouble is, I’m not as sharp as I used to be, so it’s become my favorite book to curl up with on a rainy day. It absorbs me for hours.

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!

What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?
A rash of good luck.

What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?
Her New Jersey.

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, “I have some good news and some bad news.”
The man says, “OK, give me the good news first.”
The doctor says, “The good news is, you have 24 hours to live.”
The man replies, “Oh no! If that’s the good news, then what’s the bad news?”
The doctor says, “The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.”

Did you hear about the new French tank?
Yeah, it has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes forward in case the enemy attacks from behind.

A French fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender “Hey , could I get a beer please?”
The bartender looks at him shaking his head and say “No, we don’t serve food here”

Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it’s important.

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage, we take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”

1) A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.

'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'

A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'

2) Robert went to his lawyer and said, 'I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it.'  The lawyer smiled at Robert and replied, 'Not a problem, leave it all to me.'

Robert looked somewhat upset and said, 'Well, I knew you were going to take a big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too!'

3) Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.

Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!'

The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.

4) Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening. The last thing they do is put their cat out.

The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in.

Terry returns inside to chase it out. Brenda, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, 'My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'

Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, 'Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out!'

5) A policeman spotted a jay walker and decided to challenge him, 'Why are you trying to cross here when there's a zebra crossing only 20 metres away?' 

'Well,' replied the jay walker, 'I hope it's having better luck than me.'

Here some short and funny Jokes

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Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.

__________________________
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

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Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
Doctor: Next please!

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

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A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.